“You should manage your stress better.”
Helpful, right?
We hear it all the time—from doctors, friends, articles…
And then we’re left thinking:
Okay… but how?
Because let’s be honest—
it’s not like we’re trying to stay overwhelmed.
If it were that simple, we’d all be walking around calm, clear, and completely unbothered.
But managing stress?
That’s not so simple.
Life is full.
You’re juggling a lot.
And “just manage it” ends up feeling like one more thing on an already overloaded list.
And when stress hits hard—
when everything feels like it’s closing in—
that’s not exactly the moment where clear thinking and problem-solving show up.
One of the most eye-opening insights on stress I’ve ever come across is from the book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. In it, they break stress down into a two-part dynamic: the stressor and the stress cycle.
Stress is real.
It comes from all directions:
The “sandpaper people.”
Lack of sleep.
Food on the fly.
Constant demands.
Even just… gravity and life adding up.
And over time, it becomes familiar.
So familiar that a lot of people say:
“I’m stressed… I just don’t even know why anymore.”
Here’s the thing:
Stress isn’t just a feeling.
It has very real effects on your body.
And when it sticks around long enough, it can start to impact your health in meaningful ways.
But stress itself isn’t the problem.
Your body is actually built to handle stress.
In the right doses, it can even make you more resilient.
The issue is when stress becomes chronic—
when your system gets stuck in a loop
and can’t shift out of survival mode.
The Missing Piece: The Stress Cycle
TOne of the most helpful ways to understand this comes from the idea of the stress cycle.
There’s a difference between:
👉 the stressor (what’s happening)
👉 and the stress cycle (what your body does in response)
You can’t always control the stressor.
But you can influence how your system moves through the cycle.
When your system gets activated, it’s like being dropped into a tunnel.
Sometimes it’s short.
Sometimes it’s long.
But either way—you have to move through it.
And when you don’t?
That’s when things start to stack:
- tension
- fatigue
- irritability
- brain fog
- that “on edge” feeling that won’t let go
How You Move Through It
The good news?
There are simple, real ways to help your system complete the cycle.
Things like:
- Movement
- Breathing
- Positive Social Interaction
- Laughter
- Affection/Touch
- Crying
- Creative Expression
Not complicated.
But incredibly effective.
Think of them as ways to help your system find the exit of the tunnel.
Because once your system settles—
that’s when you can actually deal with what’s in front of you.
That’s when problem-solving comes back online.
That’s when you feel more like yourself again.
Where to Start
You don’t need to overhaul your life.
You don’t need a perfect routine.
You just need a place to start.
One small action that helps your system shift—even a little.
Because stress isn’t going away.
But staying stuck in it?
That part can change.
If this sounds familiar,
it may be time to stop guessing and get specific.