“You should manage your stress better.”
How many times have we heard that oh-so-helpful nugget of wisdom from a doctor, a friend, or even in random articles online? And after that insightful tip, what happens next? We’re shuffled out the door or left staring at our phones, wondering, “Okay, but how?”
We all know we should manage our stress better, right? It’s not like we’re actively trying to stay frazzled or overwhelmed.
If it were easy, we’d be the poster children for wellness. We’d have glowing skin, rock-solid immune systems, and zen-like calm in every stressful moment.
But let’s be real for a second—managing stress is hard. Life is busy. We’re juggling a million things, and when we’re told to “just manage stress,” it feels like one more thing to add to the never-ending to-do list.
Yeah, that’s not me either. I’m not exactly floating through life and I bet you aren’t either. And that’s okay. We don’t need more impossible standards; we need real, practical ways to handle the chaos.
But where do we even start? What do we do when it feels like the walls are closing in, the ceiling is caving, and everything is burning at once? When that overwhelming sense of stress hits hard, trying to problem-solve while feeling twitchy and anxious is usually the worst place to begin.
Stress is very real, and it comes at us from every direction, in all shapes, sizes, and colors. From the “sandpaper people” (you know the ones—the people who just grate on your last nerve), to a string of sleepless nights, poor food choices from our fast-paced, fast-food culture, and even good old gravity weighing us down—stress isn’t going anywhere.
In my conversations with clients who want to feel and function better, especially when I’m wearing my health coach hat, I hear this all the time: “I’m stressed, but I can’t even put my finger on why.” Sometimes, stress becomes so familiar it’s like a badge of honor or just another checkbox in the long list of things that define who we are. We’re stressed, but we can’t always name it. It’s just part of life now. It’s [gasp] normal.
One thing is for certain—the physiological effects of stress are very real, and over time, they can become a major contributor to illness and disease. In fact, medical research estimates that up to 90% of all diseases have a chronic stress component. That’s a staggering number when you really think about it.
Now, stress itself isn’t inherently a bad thing. In some cases, it can even make you stronger. Stressors like exercise, cold plunges, and even the occasional cold can help your body become more resilient and adaptable. What we’re focusing on here, though, is the long-haul kind of chronic stress—the kind that keeps you locked in a constant state of fight-flight-freeze, unable to switch gears and transition your nervous system into a more restful, engaged, and restorative state.
One of the most eye-opening insights on stress I’ve ever come across is from the book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. In it, they break stress down into a two-part dynamic: the stressor and the stress cycle.
What is the Stress Cycle?
This distinction is key, because it highlights that while the stressor may be outside of our control (like work demands, family obligations, or health issues), how we process and complete the stress cycle can make all the difference in how stress impacts us.
When we’re caught in the messy middle of the stress cycle, when our body is hijacked by stress hormones and the survival parts of our brain take over, it becomes incredibly difficult to deal with the stressors we face. Creative problem-solving? Out the window!
To understand the stress cycle, I like to think of it as a tunnel. Whenever a stressor activates us, it’s like we’re dropped into that tunnel. But here’s the good news: we can build real skills and resilience while we’re in there. The tunnel can be short or long, and we can move through it quickly or slowly—it all depends on where we’re at with our resilience and coping strategies.
In some cases, we might move through a short tunnel slowly, and other times we can breeze through a longer tunnel faster. It’s all about how prepared we are to navigate the ride.
Stress Relief is Possible: How Neuroscience Makes a Difference
Research shows there are specific practices we can use to help us manage and move through the stress cycle effectively, allowing us to emerge on the other side without feeling stuck or overwhelmed. These seven strategies are like tools to help you navigate your way out of the tunnel:
Each stressful situation might require a different combination of these actions, like a recipe that shifts depending on what you need at the moment. But the key is this: you can move through the tunnel. By doing so, you’ll prevent emotional exhaustion and burnout from taking hold.
Once you’ve successfully completed the stress cycle, you’ll be better equipped to face the stressor head-on. You can then take a proactive approach—whether that means finding ways to eliminate the stressor altogether or developing stronger coping mechanisms so it doesn’t knock you back into the tunnel quite so aggressively next time.
Take Control of Your Stress for Better Health
We may not be able to control everything in life (if only, right?), but with a bit of mindfulness and curiosity, we can evaluate and change the things within our power. The Serenity Prayer comes to mind: we often get trapped in the stress cycle when we’re hyper-focused on what’s out of our control. But when we shift our attention toward what we can change, or at least influence, that’s when we begin to loosen the grip of stress and feel empowered again.
At the end of the day, stress is inevitable, but staying stuck in it doesn’t have to be. By completing the stress cycle and actively working through those tunnels, you’ll begin to feel more in control and resilient. It’s not about eliminating stress entirely (we know that’s impossible), but about learning how to manage it in a way that feels empowering rather than overwhelming.
If you’re ready to break free from the stress cycle and step into a place of greater calm, strength, and vitality, I’m here to help. Together, we can work on the tools and strategies that will make a big difference in your life. Let’s get started—book your session today, and we’ll begin the process of identifying your personal stressors. Together, we’ll find the right strategies to handle them with ease and style.
