Touch is a fundamental human need—just like food, water, and sleep.
Without it, our bodies and minds suffer. A lack of meaningful touch increases anxiety, depression, and even weakens the immune system.
When we’re touch-starved, our nervous system shifts into survival mode, making it harder to feel safe, connected, and at ease in our own skin.
As social creatures, we are wired for connection.
Safe, affectionate touch is one of the most powerful ways our bodies communicate security and belonging.
It tells the nervous system: You are safe here.
It’s also one of the simplest, most effective ways to complete the stress response cycle. Whether through a hug, massage, or gentle self-contact, intentional touch regulates the nervous system and restores balance
The Biochemistry of Touch
When we experience safe, nurturing touch, our bodies respond with a biochemical reward.
Oxytocin, often called the “bonding hormone” or “love hormone”, is released, reinforcing feelings of trust, connection, and emotional well-being.
This surge also triggers serotonin and dopamine, the neurotransmitters responsible for boosting mood, reducing stress, and promoting relaxation.
At the same time, these feel-good chemicals help counteract cortisol and norepinephrine—the hormones that keep us in a state of tension.
In today’s touch-starved culture, this is huge.
The Disconnection Crisis
We live in a world where digital connection has replaced much of our physical interaction. Yet, our biology hasn’t changed—we need touch to regulate our nervous system, build resilience, and maintain emotional balance.
The less we experience it, the more disconnected and overwhelmed we feel.
We are more “connected” than ever—but also more touch-starved than ever.
In the U.S., where touch is often avoided yet device use is constant, the numbers are staggering. We touch our phones over 2,000 times a day and unlock them 150 times daily—but only reach out and touch another human being twice. Compare that to the Philippines, where touch is a natural part of daily interaction—people make physical contact an average of 181 times a day.
This isn’t just a cultural quirk—it has real consequences.
Instead of turning to each other, we’re turning to our screens. And in a world that already feels overwhelming, that disconnection only adds to our stress.
Why Massage Therapy Matters
As a licensed massage therapist, I’ve long believed that hands-on professionals are in such high demand because of this exact phenomenon.
In our culture, we’ve outsourced safe, healthy, non-transactional touch to licensed professionals. Booking a massage isn’t unusual—it’s a normalized part of self-care. But beneath the surface, it’s filling a much deeper need.
In a world where touch is often absent or comes with conditions, massage is one of the few places where people can receive human connection—without expectation or obligation.
In many ways, massage therapists are touch surrogates, providing the regulation, grounding, and connection that modern life has stripped away.
And while the therapeutic benefits of bodywork are undeniable, many people aren’t just seeking relief from muscle tension. They’re seeking relief from touch starvation and physical loneliness.
When Massage Isn’t an Option
Massage is an incredible balm for a frazzled nervous system. But let’s be real—it’s not always accessible.
Even as a massage therapist, there have been long stretches where I didn’t receive bodywork. Not because I didn’t need it, but because I simply couldn’t afford it.
Sure, I could barter, but the idea of hopping off a treatment table and immediately shifting back into caregiver mode? That didn’t feel like care.
The work started feeling transactional, and the relief was short-lived.
Much of the tension I carried wasn’t physical—it was emotional. Holding space for others through pain, illness, and injury takes a toll. A quick trade with another therapist wasn’t enough to undo the accumulated strain.
On top of that, I was drowning in debt, with zero financial cushion for regular bodywork.
So does that mean I was out of options? That because I couldn’t pay for a massage, I had to forfeit the benefits of touch as a tool for stress relief?
Not at all.
Touch as Stress-Management
When our souls feel lonely—when we’re disconnected from others, even those sitting right next to us—touch can be profoundly healing and restorative.
And the best part? It’s free.
Of course, let’s be clear: this isn’t about invading personal space or making anyone uncomfortable.
Consent matters. We live in a world where boundaries are important, and reading the room is key.
But in safe, welcomed interactions, a simple, intentional touch—a hug, a reassuring hand on the shoulder, or even holding hands—can be powerful medicine for the nervous system.
If you’ve known me longer than five minutes, you know I’m a big fan of Kitchen Dance Parties. Put on a slow song and dance cheek-to-cheek with your honey—bonus points if you’re barefoot on the kitchen floor.
Be a little weird. Cup your child’s face in your hands, skin on skin, and hold it there for twenty seconds. I promise you—their nervous system will sigh with relief. It’s simple, it’s grounding, and it reminds them (and you) that they’re safe, loved, and deeply connected.
And if you really want to lean into the magic of touch, practice the Disney Hug. The rule? Never be the first to let go. Let your body take the cue from theirs. You might be surprised at how long someone actually needs that hug.
Reach Out and Touch Someone (Literally)
We are wired for connection. Our nervous systems crave safe, meaningful touch—yet so many of us are running on empty. The good news? You don’t have to wait for a special occasion to fill that gap.
Start small. Hug your loved ones a little longer. Hold hands. Sit close. Dance in the kitchen. If you don’t have a person nearby, try self-touch—place a hand over your heart or wrap your arms around yourself. Your nervous system will thank you.
And if you need a little extra support, intentional, therapeutic touch is always here for you. Whether it’s massage, bodywork, or simply reconnecting with your own body, you deserve to feel safe, grounded, and at ease.
So go ahead—reach out and touch someone.
